That Struggle

John 16:33

33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

There is at least one thing that everyone on the planet can understand. At least one thing that we all can agree on.

It’s that struggle and how real it is. Even if whoever you are talking to isn’t currently struggling with anything I can guarantee you they have at one point. Big, small, rich, poor, young, or old. You get the point, we all deal with junk. Sometimes more frequently than others and even though the thing causing the struggle may be different the feeling is still the same.

I’m writing this because I have been going through this fire for some time. It really hadn’t gotten to me until recently though. I had failed something that was very important to me. And I know im not letting it get me down, and am getting up dusting myself off and just going to give it more effort, but it still hurt, and this is a testimony of what I learned out of that hurt(Or remembered rather). If failing that were the only thing, I think I would have been okay, but everything converged on me all at once it seemed.

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I began to cry out to GOD, asking “Why? Why me? why now? am I even supposed to do these things? what am I doing wrong?” literally  crying. In that moment he replied, “Joshua I thought you were fearless?” I said “GOD I am fearless, I’ve fought in battles I’ve faced many conflicts.” to which he replied “When you doubt, you are just afraid that what I have said about you is not true.”

That one word from him gave me asylum for just a moment. Then the onslaught began anew. I began to just feel invisible. I even had spoken at one point saying. “Nothing I do or say ever matters, I got nothing, I got nowhere, I got no one, I’m just a nothing man.” Even though I felt this way  I was making a strong effort to remain cheerful. It was like I had Joy but at the same time sorrow. I had peace but at the same time conflict.

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When I felt it beginning to overtake me I did what I know how, I began to cry out again. In my prayer I distinctly remember saying GOD! Teach me the way because I can’t take this. In that one moment he said “Joshua, you know the way.” and he brought me right back to the scriptures.

John 14:1-6

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions;[a] if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.[b] And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?”

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

Even though I knew all those things were lies the struggle made them seem very real. It wasn’t until I began to press in and dig deep that I began to retake lost ground. Even now, though I face the exact same problems, I rest in his promises to give us hope and prosperity, and rest in his value of me, realizing I’m not worthless.

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So maybe that’s you today. Maybe you are reading this because you have been feeling the same way, just know you are not worthless. You are beautiful, you are loved, and even though the fire may seem super hot right now. That the wall in your path is blocking the view of the light at the end does not mean It does not exist. I know I can say this until I’m blue in the face my prayer is this that you receive it painlessly and don’t have to go through any of those processes to find out you are giving it the best you got, and that it is good enough. That YOU are good enough.

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Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

 

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